10. Take some guy hostage and force him to make me an authentic looking Werewolf Crossing sign and place it next to the highway. People would drive by the Werewolf Crossing sign, thinking it was a hoax. Then, after driving a few hundred more feet, they would find me standing near the road, in the exact same position as the figure on the sign.
9. Go to the dog grooming shop at the mall and demand a grooming.
8. Lock myself in a cage during the day, so at night I could find a way out of my own trap and kill all of my friends and family in a fit of blind rage. The next morning, upon realizing the scope of the devastation I had caused, I would flee to the seclusion of the forest where I would live a life of solitude and heartache. The benifit of all this is that I could howl at the moon in a dark and scary forest every month, the way werewolves are supposed to.
If you ever truly listen to a werewolf's howl, you will perceive that it is the mangled cry of a broken heart; therein lies its beauty, its frightfulness, its mystery.
7. Run with a wild pack of wolves and see how long it would take them to notice that I was not one of them.
6. Go to a public park just before moonrise (meaning I'm still in human form) and begin barking wildly at everybody in sight. People would think that I was some crazy guy barking at them in the park, but then I would turn into a werewolf, and they would do double takes and wonder how their eyes had deceived them. They would try in vain to figure out if I was a dog, a dog-man or a person in a dog suit. Little would they know that I was in fact a werewolf, a werewolf who was about to fall upon them with a senseless fury that only the purist evil can possess.
5. Join a midnight basketball league so I could rock the court like Teenwolf.
4. Schedule a business dinner meeting with someone who wanted to make a good impression on me. As I slowly turned into a werewolf I would carry on with the business at hand, pretending not to notice.
3. Loiter n' loot
2. Play wolfenstein 3D. (A classic among first person shooter games) Just because it would be cool to play a game called Wolfenstein while being a werewolf.
1. Fang a pedestrian in the kneecap and then say "Sorry about that, I guess I wasn't a-WARE of what I was doing!"
*Well those are my top ten. What woud you do?
Posted by Nathonius at January 11, 2005 11:31 PMDo you realize how unsanitary that is? It isn't enough for you to just be a werewolf is it? No, YOU have to be a breeder of DISEASE and a spreader of UNCLEANNESS and CONTAMINATION as well.
Posted by: Nathan Davis at March 17, 2005 11:59 AMI was actually holding in my laughter fairly well until I came to "loiter n' loot" and then I had to release. I am in public at the moment and presently quite embarassed. But if I were a warewolf I would go right in the middle of State Street and stop traffic, squat down and take a shit. A big shit too, like the kind Suzie makes, and I'd make sure it was greenish-yellow. And then I would step in it with all four paws and smear it on the astonished faces of the crowd, seniors and babies included, no charge.
Posted by: The Sister at March 17, 2005 10:45 AMAwesome. Thank you for considering this important question.
Posted by: Jeff at January 26, 2005 11:43 AMSo I took a poll of the people in my living room, and the results are as follows:
Devon: I would shave my entire body, so I could know what a naked werewolf looks like. Or, dred my hair and join a reggae band.
Angela: What do werewolves eat?
Me: People (and other animals, I'm sure).
Angela: Well, in that case, I'd eat only fruit, so I could be a unique werewolf. Or, I'd disguise myself as a normal person, and then write a book about being a minority.
Helena: Eat people.
Devon: Do you need more ideas?
Me: Sure!
Devon: I'd correct everyone that tried to call me a werewolf, and tell them that I was a bearwolf...and then I would eat fish.
Posted by: Jessica at January 14, 2005 11:53 PMHmmm...I think I would go around howling just to annoy people. I usually annoy people really well as a human so...Anyway, I think your blog is hillarious. Seriously, mermaids and their butts, if they have them that is, has had me laughing since I read it...And now this! HAHA.
Posted by: Zanab at January 13, 2005 02:09 PMI never thought of the immortality-with-the-exception-of-silver-bullets factor. That opens up a whole new wolrd of possibilities!
Posted by: n at January 12, 2005 08:02 PMI would go mess with people at fancy beauty salons by asking them how much it would cost to get my arms, face, and legs waxed.
Posted by: Sholeh at January 12, 2005 01:58 PMTHIS is classic Nate at his best! I especially love this phrase: "the mangled cry of a broken heart; therein lies its beauty, its frightfulness, its mystery." and the HILARIOUS pun at the end. Well done. Flawless victory.
Suzanne, you could ask the merpeople if they had butts!
Posted by: liz at January 12, 2005 09:40 AMI would jump out at stuff.
Posted by: Husayn Allmart at January 12, 2005 08:38 AMIs it true that werewolves can only be killed with a silver bullet? I would test this hypothesis by jumping into the ocean with a stop watch to see if and how long it would take me to drown. Then, if I found that I couldn't drown myself, I would search out the merpeople. We would become friends and they would teach me how to swim around the world in endless circles, avoiding a night of the light of the full moon so that I wouldn't eat them. If I did drown, however, I would spend eternity haunting other werewolves because they need someone to be scared of too.
Posted by: Suzanne at January 12, 2005 08:33 AM